My baby’s 4!

I can’t believe my baby is 4. She’s been excited all week to celebrate her birthday.
She’s fiercely independent and knows what she wants and usually screams until she gets it. She’s funny and silly and I can’t believe she turned four today.

This morning when she woke I was telling her the story of the day she was born (just like my mom would do… and sometimes still does on my birthday). My daughter would stop me after every part of the story and ask… why? Which is one of her favorite words right now.

Every morning we walk to school, today my little birthday girl was on a full sprint. Her blond curls bouncing, strutting in little white wedge boots and holding tightly to her special birthday hat. She was leading the way marching so proud.

As we got closer to school she became a little timid and wanted to hold my hand. I still love having that little bit of a baby in her.

After I kissed all my kids goodbye and turned to walk home it hit me and I started to cry. It’s sad to think that she’s four and not a baby anymore. yeah she still little I know there’s lots more years that she needs me. But the realization of no more babies! We’re onto the next stage. For the last decade of my life I’ve been getting pregnant, having babies, nursing babies it doesn’t go fast it’s really long and hard and wonderful. You can’t soak it up when you’re in it because 50% of it sucks. I wouldn’t say that I’m sad about not having a baby because I’m done, maxed, four is my limit. But it’s just crazy to think that after a decade I’m out of that stage. Maybe my sadness comes from realizing that I can let go of dealing with babies and toddlers. Being a mom is hard work and there’s no way to fully understand how much it is until you have kids.

I always remember a conversation I had with my dad about deciding when it’s a good time to have a second child. And how much work could it really be…. (hahaha)
I thought double. He said 10 times more! I didn’t believe in but boy was he right.

So here’s to my little independent girl who is no longer a baby I love you baby! You’ll always be MY baby.

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